do you know who I am

I have changed since high school. My sense of humor has changed, and my personality has changed. I have never fit in very well with you all, and I don't think I ever will. But you're all my friends, and that's why I keep coming back to you guys, even if you rarely invite me to anything and make me feel left out when I'm there. I've said something about this before; asked to be invited more. Since this never happens, I feel like some of you never even liked me to begin with, or you just forget about me, which I'm not sure is any better.

It really bothers me when people judge me on who I was, not who I am. Yes, I've made mistakes, but who hasn't? It's not fair to judge me on those mistakes, when that's not the person I am anymore.

This isn't directed towards anyone in particular, it's just something that's been building up for a while. I apologize for having to say this, but I needed to say it somewhere.

Aaah, I hope I didn't get him into trouble!

I got a PS2 for my birthday, so I've been going to Gamestop looking for games that I might want. I always talk to the people behind counters because I like people, and none of them seem to mind. Me and this guy (who I think used to work at the Starbucks next door, cause I recognized him) were talking and he told me that the next day (today) they were having a buy two get one free sale. Most of the games I want are in the bargain bin, meaning that I can get three games for 10-15 dollars, which I think is a great deal.

So I go there this morning, and I must have misheard the guy, because the sale starts at 7pm, not 7am. So when I asked the guy at the counter he was like, "Who told you that, do you remember their name?" Good think I can honestly say I didn't know. Apparently it's supposed to be confidential.

I wish he'd told me I wasn't supposed to know, I wouldn't have said anything. It didn't seem like a secret when he told me, so I didn't think anything of it.

I really hope he doesn't get in trouble! :-(

Well that was fun. I was under the impression we were each doing our part of the slide show and then just combining them when we met up today. So I got to sit around because mine were done while my group wrote their slides. Then because I type the fastest, I got to type the bibliography, which I hate doing.

Oh, well. Just the one more presentation and I'm done!

I'm so fucking sick of all our arguments being over instant message. When I fight I want to be able to yell and flail my hands, and I can't do that when I'm typing.

And Goddammit I hate it when I can see both sides of the argument. Sort of.

I'm rewatching Dark Angel season two because I've decided to read the books that pick up where the series left off, and noticed something that's always bothered me.

In the first episode of season two, when Max and Alec are fighting in Logan's apartment, and again when he is making money by beating up people in the rink, if memory serves, it doesn't make any sense that Max wins. Yeah, she was trained by Manticore, but she left when she was NINE. Alec's been training with them his whole life, and he should have been able to easily overpower her.

The only thing I can think of is that she picked up street fighting when she was out in the real world, but I still think he should have won.

It kind of really bothers me that everyone and their dog is calling Castiel 'Cas'. His full name is so beautiful, I don't know why people wouldn't want to use it.

Dean calling him Cas was awesome, because it showed their furthering connection. It also amuses me because the only girl Dean ever really dated was named Cassie. XD

But when other people, say Anna, started to call him Cas, it just got annoying. Maybe it was the writers trying to show that she wasn't quite back to full Angelness by shortening his name, but it was just weird. Zachariah always calls him Castiel, and I think he's one of the only people who does.

So there are a lot of things I should be doing other than talking about Heroes on livejournal, say, the project that's due tomorrow, but whatever.

( Spoilers for Heroes, and warning for long and ranty )

Thanks a lot, Monica, I think I've listened to this song about 10 times since you gave me the link. It's just so good!

I think 'meh' is the most annoying thing someone can say in response to anything. The only time it doesn't grate on my nerves is when it follows, "How was your day?" because 'kind of meh' makes sense there.

Grr.

In other news I'm going to see Fall Out Boy in concert tonight. Cobra Starship and Hey Monday and someone else will also be there, so I'm looking forward to it. This is going to be the first time I'm going to a concert alone so Mom is semi-freaking out and wants me to call her when I get home so she knows I'm alright.

Ugh. I really really hate waking up in pain from weird alien-takeover dreams. I don't think I can get back to sleep.

You ever get flashes of something, a series or picture or something, while listening to music? I get flashes of Banjo-Tooie when listening to Black and Blue by the Backstreet Boys.

AND I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY.

I just looked it up: they came out three days apart from each other! I was probably playing the game while listening to the cd for the first few times.

It makes so much sense, I don't know why I didn't think to look it up before now. Or why I didn't remember it in the first place.

Ted from How I Met Your Mother (you were right, Missy, I do like it) looks like a cross between Ted from Queer as Folk, and Chandler from Friends.

Watchmen was amazing. Really really amazing. I knew nothing about it before walking into that theater, but it was amazing. I won't say any more, because I'm sure some of you are going to see it.

PS: My friends had a good laugh at me fangirling My Chemical Romance when they were on screen in the preview thingy. And in the end during the credits.

I saw the trailer for Torchwood season three yesterday, which inspired me to watch season two.

I HATE the way that Jack can't seem to make up his mind between Ianto and Gwen. He's with Ianto and Gwen is engaged but he still flirts with her. And especially in the episode with her wedding. Their dance together looked more like it should be the one between the newlyweds.

Drives me crazy.

1. Leslie needs a fat reality cheque.
2. Leslie needs a home.
3. Leslie needs lots of Attention
4. Leslie needs only to win the Twin Cities Marathon in Minneapolis, Minnesota on October 2nd.
5. Leslie Needs Banker Connections Right Away
6. Leslie needs a guy.
7. Leslie needs to bare a little more, in order to let her talent really shine.
8. Leslie needs help! ASAP please.
9. Leslie needs to find some BBQ cookers who need a band for the HLSR event.
10. Leslie needs to be a little more aggressive at times but is generally very solid.

Entertaingly enough I found another Leslie who'd done this same survey. She got almost completely different results!

I feel like he's allowed to get mad at me, but not me at him. I tell him when things make me upset so I won't bottle them up and explode at him later for something insignificant, which makes sense to me. But then when I tell him I move on, and he sits there being quiet and pouty because I was mad at him for something.

It's unfair.

RANDOM CHANGE OF SUBJECT TO PANIC AT THE DISCO.

So Ryan Ross and Keltie Colleen broke up after, like, three years. She made a blog post about how HE CHEATED ON HER the JERK. It's not going to stop my love of his band, but my respect for him went down. I'm reserving judgment until more details are released than those that were in her blog entry but I can't think of a good reason to cheat on someone. Or any reason for that matter.

The leaf blowers are back, which doesn't make any sense to me, because THE LEAVES HAVE ALREADY ALL FALLEN. There are no leaves left to fall, so why do these people need to stand outside my window while I'm trying to sleep?

Gah.

This song has been stuck in my head all day. Thought I'd share the madness.


One Last Drink - Enter the Haggis

Is it wrong to feel hurt when someone doesn't trust you?

I've given Andy no reason to not trust me when it comes to cheating on him. None at all. This is the most secure I've ever felt that I'm with the right guy.

So why does he not trust me to hang out with another guy for a couple hours, one who I've never had feelings for, and never will? It hurts me, and he doesn't seem to get it.

He knows he has a problem with jealousy, which is why I'm not pushing it, but I still feel like he's not trusting me.

I hate how much a relationship can effect me. I almost literally shut down if he's mad at me, and he's passive aggressive so no matter how many apologies I give, it's always, "Meh." or something similar.

I feel like shit and I deserve it because it's my fault but still.